I hold my breath, say a silent prayer and step forward. It feels like a dark abyss and I can’t see anything.

-Where will this lead?
-Where am I supposed to be going?
-What if this doesn’t work? I fail—and miserably?
-What if I do it all wrong?
-What if everyone ignores me or laughs at me?
I could be making a huge mistake that will end up in humiliation. Oh, if I could just know where, how and when- then I could feel better about taking this step.

The darkness around me feels like it could suffocate. I say more prayer but its not silent anymore. I realize I’m talking-no crying- to the Father out loud. Why? When? HOW? This doesn’t feel good?! HELP!

A beam of light slowly creeps into my surroundings. I rush towards it. I rush to see if its something familiar. I’m in unchartered territory—at least new territory for me. I don’t like the feeling of being completely out of control but that is exactly what I am. What we all are when we get real and truly think about it.

We are out of control of most things but our culture tells us we are the master of everything we touch. We’re told we can control the outcome if we plan things out correctly.

But how many times have we worked hard for that promotion, earned that degree, trained for that athletic event, did everything we are ‘supposed’ to do and it didn’t turn out as we expected?
-That spouse that promised to love and cherish us then betrays us.
-That college degree that was to ensure our rise in the corporate world didn’t prep us for being laid off, fired or miserable in our pursuits.
-That child we poured so much love and training into follows a destructive path in life that is opposite everything we taught.
-The bank account we worked so hard to provide for our family then to have it bankrupted.

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I’m not alone. He has a plan for me which is to NOT harm me (he didn’t say it would be easy).
I am His child. He loves me-I am the daughter of a King…ME?!

I am not called to be ineffective and predictable. I am called to be follower of Christ and to put my faith in God. He is in control, not me. But it can’t be that basic…I have to do SOMETHING, right?

He says to give my burdens to Him and let Him work it out. But what if He’s not fast enough, doesn’t do what I want, when I want it? Maybe I should help things out….

Funny how the hardest thing is to do NOTHING when everything in us screams ‘do SOMETHING’!

I realize the darkness is starting to fade (if I let it). Is that a feeling a warmth reassurance replacing the cold unknown?

Stepping out of my comfort zone is at times horrifying. NOT fun. Sometimes we have to go through it to get to the other side-the walk of trust. We wander in the dark and sometimes turn back. Then we find ourselves in the same place again until we walk through it. It’s not until we give it up & over to the Father to handle that the dark isn’t so terrifying. True, this path may not turn out like we expect or hope. But it could turn out BETTER than you ever hoped! I’m so glad He promises that His plan is for good and not harm!

Oh, I still don’t know the outcome or the final plan but I’m not supposed to. I don’t like not knowing but I’m supposed to trust that the Father has my back and He has a plan. A perfect plan. It really is all about faith and trust—and realizing I’m not in control.

I never was in control-it was an illusion I let myself believe.

I am so thankful it’s not all up to me-or you. We must stay strong and firmly planted in the Father’s promises.
Thank you Lord for being faithful!