Keep it together. Breathe. Control.
I kept repeating these words to reign myself in. Don’t act like a maniac. Be an adult. Remember you are a role model.
Role model? No way. Not me.

Maybe you’ve heard these words like I have ‘do as I say, not as I do’. I never liked hearing those words growing up and told myself I’d never say such ridiculous things. Well, here I was.

I didn’t want to be a role model–I wanted to react and not in a good way. Not in an adult way. Definitely not in a Christ follower way!

But a tiny whisper in my head kept repeating ‘they are watching’.

Who is watching? I was pretty confident my children were otherwise occupied and not paying any attention to me.
Who? Others around me? The clerk at the store? The other drivers in traffic? Other parents at my child’s school event?
Many examples ran through my thoughts: all the people I interact with on a daily basis—strangers, acquaintances, friends, family.

I’m the type of action driven, have a plan, stay organized (in theory) and ‘get this done’ type of person. Personalities that are less driven, lack focus or generally more laid back tend to run in direct opposite directions from where I am headed. You can guess the outcome—I get frustrated. Sometimes with valid reasons and sometimes it’s this ‘type A’ personality in overdrive.

I confess my reactions are-well, not something to be proud of some days. But hopefully no one notices, right? They are watching…

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-It could be one of the kids in the back of the minivan who pretends to be reading or listening to music but hears my rant.
-It could be other people in a store who witness my facial expressions of disgust.

But it may just be no one else is around….except Jesus. He sees me. He hears me.
Oh how I wish in those moments I could hit the mute button on myself or rewind and have a ‘do over’ moment.

Ever find yourself feeling this way?

I realize the words ‘they are watching’ means anyone or everyone.
I’m to be an extension of Jesus’ hands and feet yet here I am being anything but a reflection of Him. I hope no once notices my less than stellar behavior. But I know and God knows.
It’s in these moments I have a personal encounter with grace. I don’t deserve it, can’t earn it and sadly don’t display it all the time—but it’s a gift I openly accept. And openly NEED.

Thank you Father for such an indescribable gift.
I have so much to learn of the depth of Your grace and gratefully accept this gift. I pray for your guidance in daily life-since I fall short and they are watching-I want to better reflect You & the role model You have called me to be!