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Angela Light

Walking it out- the great, the messy & in between

Going through is GROWING through

Posted by angela on July 15, 2014
Posted in Uncategorized  | 3 Comments

You may have accepted it as the path of your life and given up hoping for more. You may even be settled with the idea that this isn’t so bad, this is just the way life will be for you.

You may be struggling with recent news of something tragic. An illness, loss of relationship, disappointment with a loved one that you didn’t know would hurt SO MUCH with their choices.

A dream you’ve had your entire life of making a difference in some way, being noticed that you are worthwhile. You have things to offer, love to give –so why the loneliness that creeps in and settles around you like an old blanket.

Maybe its nothing major you can put your finger on. Maybe you’re just sick of doing the daily grind, day after day with no one noticing all you give up. No appreciation, just expectation. Don’t they see all I do? Don’t they see I’m working SO HARD just for them?

Being in the middle of a trauma is exhausting to be sure. It can wreck even the most anchored souls at times. They hold and cling, even if by a thread, knowing they won’t be let go. No matter how it feels.

Being in the middle of the SAME OLD SAME OLD is also exhausting. Praying for months or years but not seeing any change. Giving all you know to give with no notice and it doesn’t look like anything will ever change.

I’ve been praying for something for awhile and getting more and more frustrated with no answer. I came to realize that maybe it wasn’t time for an answer so I prayed for comfort.

I didn’t feel it—I so wanted that reassuring feeling to wash over me, knowing my Father had me in His hands. I KNEW this but wasn’t feeling it. A long time of growing more and more desperate and isolated. I had the head knowledge of His presence but didn’t feel His strength or goodness in this one situation.

I read a verse I’d read before but something shifted this time. Something changed. I knew this verse can mean so many different levels of things to different people. But in this one moment—I got what was meant for me. Maybe it’ll bring some insight for you?

Exodus 33:22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by.

God has me just as I knew, but didn’t FEEL it. He’s not ignoring me or punishing me. He’s actually protecting me. He has covered me with His hand until He’s finished and passed by, then He’ll remove His hand for me to see what He’s done.

I am being held, protected but never felt it. I’m not just going through the situation, I’m growing through it. The Father has chosen to teach me something and I have to walk this out. Sometimes He takes us OUT of a situation but other times, we go through in order to grow through it.

How long? When? How?
Don’t know. Not supposed to know.

I’m slowly seeing a deeper meaning…the rest, the reassurance. No-not everything falls in the places I want it to but the peace that I finally accept…that is worthwhile.

Stay trusting and open yourself to receive His peace-He gives it openly but we have to intentionally accept it.

“Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,” he said. “Peace! Be strong now; be strong.” When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said, “Speak, my lord, since you have given me strength.” Daniel 10:19

The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

Blurry Vision

Posted by angela on July 5, 2014
Posted in Uncategorized  | 4 Comments

Father, we pray for intervention. Fix this, heal this, save me from this. Our hearts are sincere in wanting your intervention and your hand in our mess. We sometimes bargain—if only you’ll do this Lord then we’ll be better with prayer, obedience, bla bla bla.

If the prayer isn’t answered when we think it needs to be-we’re pretty upset. Confused. Angry. Sometimes these feelings aren’t in response to an unanswered prayer, but in general to something that’s happened…Family, health, career, finances, etc.

Many times however, it’s not something that is earth shattering in our world. It’s quiet and small: we feel insignificant, invisible. We do not feel like we have any of the spiritual gifts we hear of, no direction except the daily grind.

Did you give wonderful life paths and spiritual gifts to everyone BUT me?

Why does everyone speak of doing God’s will when I’m just trying to figure out if HE has a will for me!

 So..our main questions become: WHY and WHEN are YOU going to fix this? Provide direction?

We beg and claim we’ve given everything, we surrender. Do we really surrender? Our vision may be blurred….

This isn’t easy stuff for many of us. We may not even realize we haven’t given it all to Him. He’s waiting, urging, whispering to us to give up MORE of ourselves so He can do the work in us. We think we’ve given it up but deep within there is a small ringing that maybe, just maybe, there is more. More to relinquish. More to hand over.

Recently I was praying for more closeness, more direction and for a BOLD intervention from God in leading me. I remember saying I’m willing to do whatever He has in store for me, that I just wanted to do His will. I know He knows my heart’s desires and thought whatever He has in store should be wonderful, easy and a dream come true.

Well…it was in some aspects. Without even realizing it, I had become too cozy with the idea that I’m willing to surrender my life and follow Him—as long as I get to stay in a comfortable place. He called me into doing something that I never ever wanted to do. I just assumed He’d never ask me to do THiS since I didn’t like it.

Reality check!!!

How many times in His word are there stories of the faithful going down paths they never thought they would, never wanted to but in obedience did so for God’s glory?

YIKES…this means it may get messy. I may not like it. The end will be amazing—I know this. But the journey? There will be awesome days and others that I want to hide from.

But I’m the one who told the Father that I want to do His will. Whatever it is. It’ll bring me to a new place, a better relationship and blow my mind with the end result. But how much am I willing to follow thru on my end? Ever ask yourself this question?

Not always pretty but it does make us check ourselves. Maybe time to explore deeper…

Sounds easy but really give this some thought. We are willing to give only so much as long as He doesn’t require us to mess with certain things (comfy life, home, family, where we live, jobs, whatever).

A mediocre commitment to God means a mediocre life.

I want more than mediocre. I’ve had that for so long and it is boring! I’m ready to step into the deep waters for an amazing and ‘rock my world’ result!

Won’t you join me? We were created to bring Him glory with whatever He gives us. Let’s be open to being totally REAL and not a fake or partial commitment to Him.

Thank you Father for CHOOSING us and working all things according Your purposes.

Philippians 3:15-16   So let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. If any of you have something else in mind, something less than total commitment, God will clear your blurred vision—you’ll see it yet! Now that we’re on the right track, let’s stay on it.

 James 4:7   So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.