This is a confession. I share this in hopes it reaches someone who needs to hear it.               (I am also thankful for preaching from Christine Caine which was the word I needed.)

For some time now I’ve felt I’m being called to do something in the writing/speaking arena. The details are unclear but I’ve been over joyed that God has a plan for me. And to think that it’d be something that reaches others for Him makes me giddy.

But I’ve been a total fool. I ask the Father’s forgiveness. I’ve become so caught in up in the ‘what if’ thoughts that I let it cloud all reason.

I am ready –or so I thought. I wanted the ‘big’ thing I felt God has planned for me. But I let the world influence me to such a point that I missed His guiding. I want it now. I want to do something great NOW. I want to see results NOW.

Then nothing happened so I’ve prayed and cried and whined…’Why the delay God? When will this happen?’ WHY WHEN…repeatedly. I’d become disgusted & depressed. Then I started doubting…God and myself.

Maybe I was just imagining that calling-that overwhelming pursuit that I truly knew was HIM but since it didn’t happen NOW, I started making excuses and doubting. Or worse and this isn’t pretty: I started whining my doubts to God in hopes that He’d act to respond to me.

Sad, I was almost blackmailing God. “Do this big thing for me NOW God or I won’t think You really ever called me”.

Embarrassing to admit and confess this, but it is what it is. UGLY   

I have asked His forgiveness. I also thank Him. Thank Him that it’s obvious I wasn’t ready for any next step—not with that heart. That isn’t a firm foundation…that flimsy self promotion. If the Father had put me forward in a place for reaching others, I would have stumbled and most likely, stumbled horribly.

I need to be His image before I can be His ambassador.
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Yes, we’re all works in progress. But His word warned me, others counseled me and I still cried…WHY WHEN. I was blinded by the ‘now now now’ instant response mentality.
I have a new perspective now. Thank You Father.

I will be in the daily grind, allowing Him to remold, rework and imprint Himself on me as He sees fit. Then, when HE says I’m ready to go forward, He’ll make it happen.
Not me, not manipulating, not controlling.

HIM—He’ll make whatever paths need to be made when He declares its time. Not me.

And really, do we want to be overwhelmed with awesome responsibilities before we’re ready? No, we’d just blow it. And personally, the stakes of being an ambassador for His kingdom is too high for me to be self-consumed.

Thank you Father for your patience and wisdom. Help me to be welcoming to Your work in my heart until the time is right for the next step in my journey.

But how can I ever know what sins are lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Psalm 19:12

You deserve honesty from the heart; yes, utter sincerity and truthfulness. Oh, give me this wisdom. Psalm 51:6

Create in me a new, clean heart, O God, filled with clean thoughts and right desires. Psalm 51:10

Something new!!

Today’s post is from Sharon Thompson, an artist friend who also writes devotions to her family. She has graciously agreed to let me share a peek of her wisdom on this blog!!

“The harvest is abundant, but the workers are few” Matthew 9:37

Picture a huge field of corn ready to be harvested. Now picture a single laborer going out to harvest that field. There will be a lot of wasted rotten corn. What should that laborer do? Work harder?

Right after Jesus makes the above statement he says “Pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into his harvest”.

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He showed me that my prayers are like little balloons that come out of my mouth and begin to rise to heaven; and as they ascend God blows in them to make them bigger and bigger. Our prayers are smaller than a big God want to answer so he increases them. God always gives me more than I expect. You’ve heard the phrase ‘that person comes with a lot of baggage’.

Well, I know I do. I carry around tons of baggage full of answered prayers.

Start praying for a huge harvest in your life. Pray that the Lord gives you the vision He has of the harvest. That harvest could be the good things he wants to store up in your heart. It can be the love he wants to show, through you, to the weary and worn out. It can be responding to the call to missions. It could be financial generosity. As your harvest become abundant you will find that you will be attracting more workers into the kingdom of heaven.

By Sharon Thompson

My niece told me of a saying she found in a fortune cookie that she recalls while navigating life in high school:

“It’s a bad day, not a bad life”

What a great but simple thought. It seems so obvious that we may rush past it and think ‘yeah, sure. Common sense’. But wait.
How many times does something happen in our everyday life that derails us? It doesn’t have to be a huge tragedy.  It could be something small or simple but it still throws us off course:

• Start off in a good mood but when the family gets up, some bad attitudes or snarky comments erase any ‘good mood’ thoughts we had
• Insensitive comment from your spouse, friend or coworker
• Stressful traffic, commute then standing in a long line for coffee (and the coffee order was wrong)

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While none of these annoyances seems earth shattering, it’s how we process the thoughts that invade afterwards:
• Why do I try to have a good attitude, this family doesn’t appreciate me-they don’t care-why bother
• Why do I try so hard to be kind to my coworkers when they clearly have no interest in basic politeness much less kindness
• I can’t even get the correct coffee order? How hard is that? Why is traffic so bad?

If our thoughts run rampant we can easily spiral to an ugly place that so many times it’s hard to return from: “Why why why…I give up. My life isn’t what I want it to be. I can’t keep doing this. No more-I’m done!”

Is it just me or do your thoughts sometimes go from zero to 100 miles per hour in a second and something that was just an annoyance sends you over the edge? Anyone with me in this?

I so many times have to pull myself back from the ledge of over reaction & panic…Its NOT a bad life, just a bad day or moment.

Of course, the enemy is relentless in his taunts:

“You have a bad life. It’s what you’ve earned after everything you’ve done, those stupid decisions you’ve made. You get what you deserve so it’s a bad life and it’s your own fault”.

NO—it’s NOT a bad life! Just a moment of me feeling derailed and of course, the enemy sees his opening to drag me thru the mud quickly—so fast I don’t even see it coming.

I’m slowly learning (much slower than I want!) to step back, BREATHE and talk with God about this. He tells us to pray without ceasing. To me, that means I’m in constant communication with Him all day. I don’t need to be in specific place or time of day or anything—I can talk with Him instantly anywhere, anytime.

I tell Him what is going on (He already knows) and how I’m not handling it well and ask for His grace and guidance.
I feel a shift, a slow reassurance—sometimes very slight-but the more I step back the stronger it feels.

When will I get it?? The MORE of God, the LESS of me. The more I’m spinning and reacting, the worse the situation. The more I step back and force myself to STOP for a second and talk with the Father, the better the whole thing turns out.

Its not a bad life—nothing from the Father is bad.
It may be a bad day or bad moment, but not a bad life. A frustrating moment or a super long WAITING time but still good. Still in His plan.
Thank you Father for perspective and Your constant presence!

“ He must become greater; I must become less.” John 3:30

God gives a hand to those down on their luck, gives a fresh start to those ready to quit. Psalm 145.14

“ and call on me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.” Psalm 50:15

She waited anxiously for a reply. She just poured out her passion, her heart to this stranger-hoping & praying they understood a bit of what she explained. Don’t they see the need? Do they truly understand where she’s been and how she survived?

My friend Wanda had just submitted a book proposal to a publisher. It was a life work so far, giving details of a life with so many struggles and triumphs, she wondered if she really captured the essence of it all. But she had a message to give to others-a message of hope and survival. Not just survival, but thriving. Others need this, she thought.

The publisher looked at her and said, ‘This is not book material’.
DEVASTATION.
A few small words that summed up her past—‘not book material’.
REJECTION.
As she was processing how to react in a calm & professional manner, the publisher continued. “This is more than a book. This is an entire ministry. Others need this so much. You need to focus on forming a whole ministry around this—books will come later. This is bigger than a book”.

WHAT?! But…she had only thought a book would cover it. But something shifted in her…she knew it was true. This WAS bigger than a book.

Rejection that a few moments ago felt like a kick in the stomach was now something different-and better.

 Its Exceptional Rejection.

 Rejection of her intended outcome, yes. But a new perspective and direction laid out before that gave a bigger and further reaching outcome—it was exceptional!

As my friend told of this experience, I was touched by how much we all go through similar experiences. We plan, work, struggle and strive for an outcome we worked so hard for.

Many times, it doesn’t work out. We are beyond devastated-we feel thoroughly rejected. We become angry, sad, disgusted or bitter that all that time and work was for nothing.

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But have you ever thought of it as exceptional?

While it feels like a slap in the face or kick in the gut, it may be the Father’s way of redirecting our path. He may be showing us a different perspective or different course in our journey—a difference we wouldn’t have thought of. It’s for a much greater outcome, usually one we couldn’t possibly imagine happening to US. But He gently guides us and our outcomes for His purposes.

We say we trust He has our back. But sometimes, when we’re really honest, we feel He’s dropped the ball when it comes to things in life not working out-one more problem, one more rejection, one more issue or setback.

Redirection…

I’m learning to recognize these moments as a blessing. As an ‘exceptional rejection’.

Not a rejection of me, but of something that isn’t ENOUGH of what the Father has planned. I was aiming in the wrong direction or not enough…His plan is better.
His plan is exceptional & not an outcome I would have considered.

I’m learning to look for these opportunities for ‘redirection’ as a blessing and handle them much better (still a major work in progress!). No more melt downs (well, fewer melt downs) but instead a chance to open a different door to something I hadn’t considered.

Will you join me?

For me, it’s not fast or easy but I’m blessed I’m not doing this alone. And neither are you!

Sometimes we can see a situation that looks like failure, then in hindsight, we’re thankful it had a different outcome.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30:21

In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6