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Angela Light

Walking it out- the great, the messy & in between

Oh No She Didn’t Just Say That?!

Posted by angela on September 25, 2014
Posted in Uncategorized  | 2 Comments

I stood stunned, shocked and more than a little angry. I asked a coworker to step into a private office to ask about some of the recent biting comments and obvious attacks she had made. She looked me straight in the eyes and very confidently exclaimed ‘I won’t let someone like you get in my way’.

Apparently her personal agenda was to make herself look good by sabotaging others around her. I was the first person to question her and she did not like it one little bit. But here we were-I was trying to control myself with this trash talker.

I asked ‘someone like me? What is that supposed to mean?’ Someone like me—she went on with hostile descriptions of how no one, especially someone who was younger & more educated than her- would ever advance beyond her. No one else had done so and she wasn’t about to let me. This was news since I wasn’t planning for advancement in that particular job—I was just trying to get through each day.

That scenario happened several years ago but that bitter coworker’s words had stuck with me. “Someone like me” and it sure wasn’t meant as a compliment—quite the opposite. Her intent of the words stuck with me for years–I was someone equivalent to scum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Over the years, I have berated myself for letting that person’s harsh words hang on me-even feel like my total identity.

I told myself I had let it go and left her in my past and was over the sting of rejection.
Nope, not even close. I hate to admit it but those words continued to plague me for years. OH, I do not dwell on that particular woman but the words do sometimes slither their way back into my thoughts.

Someone like me-unworthy, unimportant, disposable.

Then present day thoughts invade: Why didn’t those people include me in their invitation? Why didn’t my friend ask me to go with her to an event? Why did all those people from school ignore me at the last gathering? Is it someone like me is so revolting?
I try to pull myself together and am thankful for the reassuring words that I am wonderfully made by the Father. He doesn’t make trash—and He made me so I’m NOT trash! Therefore I AM worthy of love and acceptance even if other’s words and actions don’t make me feel that way.

I believe its normal for us to want acceptance from the people we’re walking through this life with. However, I must realize that I cannot, WILL NOT allow myself to get my self-worth & acceptance from others.

I need only focus on the Father and His acceptance. As amazing as it seems, He loves me despite the crazy and silly things I think, say and do. Oh, not that what I do is necessarily pleasing to Him at all times—but He isn’t withholding His love. It’s because of His love that He continues to hold me and walk with me through each of these situations. It’s training, molding and refining my understanding and thoughts—and I’m more thankful than words can express.

I don’t always like or enjoy the process but I’m reassured that someone like me, (yes- even ME) is worth His attention. Thank you Father!

And so we should not be like cringing, fearful slaves, but we should behave like God’s very own children, adopted into the bosom of his family, and calling to him, “Father, Father.” Romans 8:14-16

Whose line is it anyway?

Posted by angela on September 11, 2014
Posted in Uncategorized  | 2 Comments

We all have boundaries we don’t want others to cross and everyone has a different comfort level:
• Some don’t seem to have many boundaries and share their lives with everyone out in the open.
• Others are more private and prefer to not shine a limelight on themselves or their lives.
• Many fall somewhere in between

You say you’ve given your life to God and Jesus is your savior. Excellent!
We say we want to follow Him and only want His guidance. We’re willing to do whatever He directs and you pray for Him to reveal His will for you.

We claim we’re devoted, we’re absolutely His children.

But…are we truly willing to give it all up for Him? Really?
How far will you go?
We say we have emptied ourselves and only want Him to be our guide.

But have you ever, deep down, realized you DO want God leading but He can’t really get THAT close. Not too close to THAT issue. THAT situation.

Is there a place deep within yourself you know…maybe even won’t admit to another human being…but YOU know there are areas in your life you just don’t want God to be?

Its too painful for you think about ever revisiting.
Too ugly and better to just move on and let it stay in the past.
Its not hurting anyone that the situation isn’t brought out into the light—God knows about it anyhow, right?

What about your obedience? Maybe its not a past issue but how far will you obey? We all say we’ll go wherever He leads then joke as long as it isn’t somewhere ‘bad or dangerous’.

Take it further..what if its uncomfortable? Get honest with yourself for a moment: what if He is leading you to do something that will make you unpopular with your social circle, ignored by your friends, etc.

Of course, I don’t mean something against His word or anything, but what if it’s something like take a stand for the bible when everyone around you is saying (in words or actions) “Sshh…that is NOT politically correct”. Will you do it?

Where is that line you’ve drawn around yourself that you don’t want God to cross?

  • Is it a line you’ve drawn?
  •  A line you’ve allowed the enemy to draw around you, so you’ve circled yourself within it?
  •  Is it a line that God is urging you to break out of but it’ll cost too much to do so?

The question is: whose line is it anyway? Yours? God’s? The enemy?
How far are you willing to go to be obedient to God if it were to truly cost you the house, job, friends, community you’re currently living in?
Just a call to all of us: we are held in the hand of Most High-and He has our best interest in His heart. Usually we can’t see the end of the road or outcome, but He has it under control and it is NOT to destroy us.

We’re taught from birth to take care of ourselves but what if the Father wants us to just trust Him a little more…be a little more bold…take a little further step with our faith.
Think of the possibilities if we truly allow Him to cross that line we’ve drawn—we can be more effective in our lives, our callings, our ministries, our parenting, etc.

Isn’t that the whole point?

To completely throw ourselves into His hands and follow where He leads us.

Scary? Many times.
Predictable? Nope, not usually.
Overwhelming? Most likely!
WORTH IT? MORE THAN WE CAN EVER IMAGINE! 

Take that step—whether your first step is to step over the line you’ve drawn of being closer, getting closer or taking a chance. I’m with you and doing the same! 
Or if that step is allowing HIM to be closer to You—its more trust than you’ve had and more LIFE than you’ve ever experienced!

I’m letting the lines fall down and opening myself more fully—Won’t you join me in our journey together?

Proverbs 3:5-6
If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don’t ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

James 4:8 And when you draw close to God, God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and let your hearts be filled with God alone to make them pure and true to him.

“I’m outta here! Enough already!”

Posted by angela on September 4, 2014
Posted in Uncategorized  | 4 Comments

‘I’ve had it’ she thought.’ I’m so done with this! With this marriage, with this job—my life! I need something new. This is not at all what I’m killing myself for!”

She started to pack up her things from her desk.’ I’ll take some time off’, she thought.
‘Get away. This job isn’t so great but its providing what it needs to. It doesn’t pay near enough for all the time, blood sweat & tears I pour into it. I’ll find something better. This is nuts.’

And the marriage? What a joke. What happened to all those dreams, that couple that was so in love? We could conquer anything! HA!! Pathetic! We were so stupid…now look at us. We hardly speak or look at each other. We live separate lives, we don’t even like the same things. I’ve had enough of all of this!

Ever feel like you’re sick of doing the same things with the same people and never feel like you’re getting anywhere?

She sat in her car, wiping her tears. “I thought I was doing what You wanted Lord. This job-I was sure You placed me here but now it is such a chore. And the marriage? What about that Lord? I was so confident it was blessed by You but now we’re so distant’.

Hit the pause button. Before the rest of the scene plays out—what would you counsel this woman to do?

Start job hunting? Take a vacation? Go shopping? Get some Ben & Jerry’s & a pound bag of M& Ms and call it a night?

Talk to her husband about counseling? Call a girlfriend? Go to happy hour to see if anyone new & interesting is there?

Here’s a thought:
Keep going. Yes, you read that correctly. I know, I’m all about jumping in, getting stuff done, moving forward. And yet I just said ‘keep going’? WHAT?

As much as she (or you or me) may want to bail out of our situation, sometimes we’re called to keep on. Keep going. It won’t be fun or uplifting or inspiring at times. It may even be so hard just to face another day of the same old, same old. But many times, that is what it takes.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m not at all talking about an abusive situation or anything like that.
But if you’re sick of the same old routines, same old job, same old arguments, etc. That’s where I’m speaking from.
It can go by many names: Burn out, mid-life crisis, boredom, unfulfilled,____ etc. {You can fill in the blank}.
Think of the bible stories you may know of those called to do something…ONE DAY. But they spent a lot of time (Note: A LOT of time) going through the motions, the daily routines, the boring unfulfilling YUCK that is part of life.

Couple of Examples:
David-anointed to be king but after the anointing moment, went back to being a shepherd with stinky sheep. Didn’t become king of Israel until 20 years later.
Elisha- Spent 10 years serving with Elijah before he fulfilled his calling to be the next prophet.

I get so impatient waiting for the next big thing. The next NEW thing to happen, to come along that I many times get a crusty attitude for where I am in this moment.
I want to throw it all out, do something new and start fresh somewhere. Ever feel that way?

Sadly, I’ve done this more times than I’d like to admit. Now I’ve learned to hit the PAUSE button on myself (not comfortable to do this by the way—especially when everything within me is SCREAMING ‘ESCAPE! RUN!”) but I know deep down that staying is what I’m supposed to do.

Like it? No. Want to? Not at all.
Will I?
Well..that’s the big question.

Where do you find yourself? Will you hang in, dig in and stay where you are when its hard, boring, uncomfortable or even feels dead end?

I’m coming to realize this is training…a season of how much God is teaching me with trusting Him.
Do I trust Him if I feel He’s taking it to a new level: will I stay in a situation that doesn’t FEEL blessed purely because I trust the Father to make His will known? Will I let myself be bored, burned out and feeling generally EMPTY if that is what I’m supposed to?

It’s the question for both of us—how much & how long will we be trust when its uncomfortable?

Thank you Father for your faithfulness and patience!
Habakkuk 2:3
But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!

Romans 8:25
But if we must keep trusting God for something that hasn’t happened yet, it teaches us to wait patiently and confidently.

Romans 12:12
Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and prayerful always.