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Angela Light

Walking it out- the great, the messy & in between

Stop, Drop & Roll

Posted by angela on March 22, 2018
Posted in Uncategorized  | 90 Comments

A conversation with my brother had me really thinking about this….stop, drop & roll.

We mentioned how we handle things when we feel put off by God. He doesn’t seem to be listening or answering something we’ve asked for so we feel like we’re riding around in the trunk of the car while He’s driving. Oh, we’re with Him, but we’re on the back burner…not a priority He’s focusing on. Ever feel that way?

So…I hate to admit but we’re being honest….sometimes I take over. Yep. Even at times I don’t mean to but it seems to just happen. I’m praying and crying and begging for an answer… I don’t get one that I can see, so I step out on my own. Sometimes it’s a time sensitive decision that needs to be made. I ask God with no clear direction as a response so I assume I’m to continue as my ‘best guess next step’ and he’ll stop the process if he disagrees. Is this true? Well, sometimes.

But lets be real here….its this point in the process where I get stuck…when its not time sensitive but I’m sick of waiting. That I make up assumptions and scenarios in my mind and then act in response to these assumptions.
Anyone else do this?

It’s the times I’d had it with waiting or can’t see anything moving or changing that I feel God is putting me on the back burner or kicked me to the trunk of the car. And what do I do? Unknowingly, I put him on the back burner in response.

Then I’ll proceed with whatever action plan I’ve made up in my mind, no matter what obstacles I run into-because this time it’s about getting done…I’ve already given God his chance to weigh in and didn’t get confirmation or a ‘STOP’ so I’m moving forward.

Is this smart? Godly? Obedient?

Of course, every situation can be different. But in many instances, I’m hearing the cautionary words of “STOP! DROP & ROLL”. But…stubbornly, I ignore.

Stop, Drop & Roll is reaction to being on fire. Is this a fire? Acutally, it is of sorts. I’ll be on fire to do something and bustle thru a season or decision. But quietly those words are an echo…’stop, drop & roll’. WHAT?!
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Stop running
Drop the ‘I got this’ attitude & let God be God
Roll the drama off my back give it back to him…and let him handle it.
There are 2 verses smacking me (in a gentle loving way)…this one that encourages us to wait but be strong in the waiting.

Psalm 27:14 14 Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

Then the verse from Paul: Romans 7:18-19 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[d] I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway

So I may know God is gently leading me to wait…but I don’t. I want to wait on a clear word from Him, and I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I don’t want to do the wrong choice, but in my lack of patience of waiting, I do it anyway.
I’ll try to remind myself…

STOP…step back, get quiet for a second and talk with HIM who is in control anyhow.
DROP the panic, the control, the urgency if its not truly urgent.
ROLL the decision and the trust (aka…FAITH IN HIM TO DO IT) over to the one who has this all anyhow.

Thank you Father for being a GOOD Father and having my best interests in your hand.

Take a Breath

Posted by angela on March 14, 2018
Posted in Uncategorized  | 37 Comments

Thanks for stopping by to read this blog. I have a favor to ask: Please give it a try…Breathe in slowly….now exhale. Okay great, now repeat it…breathe in…and exhale.
Great job!
No, today’s post isn’t going to make you break a sweat and do exercise. Relax

I just felt we all need a moment to breathe. Take a break.
Don’t misunderstand…I’m in no way saying things that are happening around us is unimportant. But to be blunt, I’m beat. Weary.

So much negative and horrific things all around us. All the division, seriousness, disagreement, violence, mentally unstable. Ugliness is esteemed. Ungodliness is celebrated. No morals.
We grieve. We know God grieves over His creation and its blatant rejection of Him.

I’m trying not to get too down. The culture shifting focus from the root issues & twists things to suit their own agendas. The overt aggressiveness of many make some of us want to take a step back, ignore or get quiet and not stand for our beliefs. We see others who take a stand being shunned, ridiculed or worse. So we shrink back, then the sadness settles over us.

We are hungry for holy justice and wisdom. We seek it out, study it in the word then shudder when we see the opposite happening in the world around us. What do we do? How do we move forward in a positive way without losing our focus when we feel too tired to stand?
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Sometimes a step back, not a shrinking away, but a moment to breathe. And as silly as it sounds…I’ll just say it: I need to laugh. You? A giggle, something funny. Something light hearted.
Does it mean I’m not taking the seriousness around me to heart? Of course not, it just means…a moment to breathe. I didn’t throw my shield or breastplate of righteousness away…I just am taking a break to give a little breathing room to my soul for a little lightheartedness. Laughter is good, right? Does God even address this? Glad you asked!

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Ecclesiastes 3:12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.

He didn’t say ignore the things around us or excuse us from standing firm and doing right. His spirit gives us a breath….exactly what we need. He tells us He is our strength, our shield so we don’t need to think its all on us. Its exhausting to think so! We can be joyful in the midst of the YUCK…as opposite as that sounds.
Psalm 28:7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

So I tell Him…how tired, disgusted and worn out I am from the world/the culture/the constant current against His way. I’ve actually been asking for some fun, some giggle time and some breathing room. He enjoys laughter, he invented a sense of humor and wants us to feel joy. Joy in Him, despite all the surroundings.
So I’m going for it…a moment to breathe….giggle, relax, hopefully something so funny it makes me laugh so hard I can’t breathe….
You’re allowed a moment…take it!! He loves you, loves watching you enjoy life…so take a moment & step back from it all. Just giggle a little .
Job 8:21 He will once again fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.

Just throw a scrap

Posted by angela on March 7, 2018
Posted in Uncategorized  | 64 Comments

I started this blog several years ago after wrestling with God—I couldn’t see myself blogging. Well, I’ve been on a hiatus and feel He’s leading me back. I miss it! I invite you to join in…there will be some raw moments, some insights and general living posts. Feel free to comment and join in this journey of life….the good, the bad and the messy.
Right now, life is in the messy season…still. At least today is, in some respects. I’m sure everyone has something they’ve struggled with for a while…maybe many years. Its something you may have prayed about, cried about, perhaps thought you finally got to the other side of it only to find yourself planted back on the battle lines with this thing. It could be anything you’re wrestling with—a person, a relationship, an addiction, an bad habit, a situation, marriage, friendship, rejection, financial, health, etc.
I’m planting my stick in the sand and saying I’m really sick of it. Yep. I know, it may be teaching me something in the long run. Great- but I’m sick of waiting for the end of that ‘long run’ to get here. (anyone else?) I’ve been crying and wailing out that ‘I’m done with this, please take this from me’, I’m weary, battle worn and basically feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck, backed over, and ran over again.

Please tell me I’m not the only one (although I don’t want anyone to feel this way). But I know its out there. I know others are struggling. Sometimes this ‘thing’ is pretty big…something that alters the course of a life, or cuts you to the core. I get it. Your battle worn face is scarred with the many times you’ve tried to face this thing and was beaten down.

I’m there with you right now. In the past, admittedly, I would stay here crying. I do that too, don’t get me wrong. But in the past I wouldn’t move from here. I wouldn’t know I could. It was the ‘thing’ that had me in a chokehold so I cound’t move. I didn’t feel movement was possible. Many times it wasn’t.

However after battling some of these things longer than I ever want to admit, I did something this morning. I told God I was TIRED of pleading and crying out for his help in fixing, resolving and rescuing me from this. I know…sounds crazy and not too Jesus loving…stay with me a moment….
I was overwhelmed (again) and something in me shifted. I’ve cried and prayed over this so many times for so long, I was shocked to sense this shift. I caught myself saying ‘Father, if you even threw me a scrap of wisdom or guidance in this, in even a flash of a second of you would finish this battle’. That’s when the ‘SNAP” happened.

“NO”….I felt it loudly and suddnely. Oh no…I’ve been praying for rescue for so long and finally I hear something back and its “NO”??…OH MY GOSH IT CAN”T BE….

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Then in an instant, I understood. I am his daughter, a daughter of THE king. You don’t hide behind the throne of God, scurrying beneath the chair and begging for a scrap. I’m beloved by HIM…not a offhanded pain in the neck he tolerates (althought I admit I struggle not to see myself this way). It was clear…stand boldy in front of the throne of your Father and ask expectedly. Wow.

No a whisper of a scrap but to be boldly in His presence asking for not rescue only. If that’s his will, great (I’m prefer this of course). But now I ask ‘help me see what you want me to in this mess. What are you showing me, teaching me. I pray for your wisdom to see and understand.

I hope to post again soon what I learned but right now…this moment…I’m picking myself up from crawling and getting to my feet, trying to be steady to stand and ask. I’m asking, I’m shaky from crawling so long but what else? Do I quit? Do you? NO…there is not quitting. But we don’t stay here…we stand, on possibly shaky legs (shaky from fatigue of fighting) and asking for his strength to renew and his eyes to show what we need to see. I’m hopeful this will wrap up this fight for a new season. Of course, that remains to be seen. I’m guessing we’re tired, beat up but we have a stronger one in us that will hold us up when we can’t stand.
Lets lean into that-He has us in His hand. No matter how we feel. We may be hurt, heartbroken, MAD and weary. He knows and He holds us. Imagine if he weren’t holding us…yikes?!
Stay with me…we go forth, maybe in baby steps but we’re standing, not cowering in the corner.

Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Ephesians 3:12 Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.