So I was pretty confused, annoyed (again) and generally not in a good place. I got really ‘deep’ with God about some awful choices in my past and asked His forgiveness and a renewed direction. I am happy to say I did feel I was forgiven which is the whole point. I couldn’t wait for this huge burden to be removed from my shoulders. I had been struggling under the consequences of bad decisions and pathetic choices for so long—I was almost giddy with anticipation of being free from all fallout.

Well, I wasn’t free from it. At least not in the way I expected. The consequences didn’t go away. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more for God to take it away. He didn’t.

Annoyed again, frustrated, confused and feeling a bit betrayed—I didn’t get it. I confessed my sin, sought His truth and asked forgiveness. True that originally I didn’t align my actions with God’s will which is what got me in the whole mess to begin with. The usual ‘I can take care of this’ mentality overrode any sense of ‘wait, ask the Father for His direction first’. It happened and it was so subtle, I didn’t even realize I had jumped forward without first going to God. How can I do that? Aren’t I a believer who trusts Him? How can I jump forward with decisions and actions, dumb ones especially, and not even run to the Father first and foremost with EVERY DECISION first?

I was so angry with myself for being so blind. After much self- beating up, I threw myself before the cross and asked forgiveness for blowing Him off and rushing forward. I knew better and did it anyhow!
Blessedly, He is in the forgiveness business and welcomed me, a sometimes insecure and scar bearing mess, into His arms.

So if I asked and received His forgiveness, why are the consequences of those stupid actions still haunting me? Where is God NOW?

He is here. He is with me. Guiding me.
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It occurs to me that while He forgives, He loves and never leaves me, He never said that forgiveness=no consequences. I don’t know where I started to think it meant that. Somewhere along the path I told myself that if I were forgiven, truly repentant, then God would remove all the consequences and aftermath that goes with poor decisions. Not true. Now what? Where are you now God?
He is here. He is with me. Guiding me.

I was going down a path of doubting God and His promises because He didn’t take away the fallout. Have you ever felt that way?
I confused the thought of having my slate ‘washed clean’ with washing clean any responsibility for my mistakes. I wanted His truth but without the ripple effect of my actions.

While painful to learn, I now understand that it doesn’t work this way: that if we pick truth then maybe we get to avoid repercussions. It’s not either Truth or Consequences-its both. Bad choices usually have backlash and we may have to deal with repercussions. I love that He takes everything and works it in His plan—even the things we do against His will. Thank you Father for teaching and using this to mold me.

Be encouraged: we walk through it knowing we truly do have forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love. I pray for Your Grace Father while walking this out.
He is here & you are not alone in this.