Lord, I KNOW you are with me and never leave me. It just doesn’t FEEL like it sometimes. These moments when I’m at the end of myself…and sometimes don’t even know why. Or at times I have full knowledge of why and the circumstances that have brought me to my knees….again.

I cry out for You. I cry out in general. Do you see me? I don’t feel you nearby.
(You have searched me, LORD, and you know me. Psalm 139:1)

I know you are there since you promise you’ll never leave me. But I want something physical—in my face at this moment—as tangible proof you are here.

I’m hurting. I’m lost. I’m hanging on by a thread and need some major relief. Relief that doesn’t come from others since they can’t reach the inner depths of my being. But you can. You already have it covered but I can’t see You moving so I don’t think you’re here.
Do you notice me? Don’t I matter enough that you will respond?
(Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Luke 12:7)

Before I know it, I’ve worked myself into a cycle of thoughts that are opposite your word. You promise to be with me always.

I scream out ‘WHERE ARE YOU?!’
(I call to you, LORD, come quickly to me; hear me when I call to you. Psalm 141:1)

I cry “don’t you even see me? Are you paying attention”
(God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1)
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Aren’t I doing my part by having faith so ‘Where are you God? I don’t SEE or FEEL you working in this situation!’
(Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding Proverbs 3:5)

I realize there are many times I won’t understand or see how things have come together until the situation is a memory. Or it could be even later– I won’t understand some events until I’m in my eternal home.
Then, when I feel I’m coming undone (is that even a word?) and despite my knowledge of You, my feelings of loneliness have taken over, something happens.
Something others wouldn’t notice or understand.

But I get it. I see something, many times it’s so small, but it strikes my heart like an explosion—this IS you.
You getting my attention that no, you never left.
Yes, you have me in your hands.
Yes, you are paying attention.
And REST…this is my job. Rest in your promises and Rest in the trust that You are who you say you are and you’ll keep your promises. Rest and let you reassure, many times in the most quiet and simple ways, that it is working out for good in the end. Even if I can’t see the end.

So, I still can’t see the end. It’s about me resting & trusting. No, this is NOT the way I would have handled the situation-but its not up to me to handle it. No, I do NOT feel like resting and waiting. Yes, I’m exhausted but to do NOTHING and just trust & rest in Him?

Yes. Exactly.
Thank you Father for your unending devotion to me..yes, even me!