Ever feel like God has let you down?
I have felt He’s not listening, He isn’t in agreement with my prayers, and honestly I’m not too happy with Him at the moment. I know that isn’t something I should feel or say sometimes but that is real life for me. I had been praying and begging for situations to change, for solutions to major issues with no response. I kept asking for things to go away, for God to take this burden off my shoulders and free me from the trauma. Didn’t happen.
Now what? I did what I knew to do- so of course, I ask for others to pray for me. Surely I must have not prayed for the right things or asked in the proper way–so if others prayed for me, one of us would get it ‘right’ and the solution would appear. Didn’t happen.
Some may have wavering faith at this point-but I held fast. I have great faith and didn’t doubt in His existence or His involvement in everyday life. But I did feel let down. Where are you God? Don’t you even care? Why didn’t you fix this situation or intervene with that issue? I’m still here, still struggling and still praying but WHERE ARE YOU? I am waiting for You to swoop down and FIX THIS MESS!? But He didn’t fix the mess.
I had to come to terms with my feelings of anger and rejection. Yes, I felt rejected by God. I knew from all my time with Him and reading of His word that He wouldn’t dump me but it sure felt like it. Many tears and long crying fits with Him as the receiver of my screams still didn’t make the situations disappear. So I sat there wondering what to do next. As I was running through the zillion possibilities of how FIX the situations and the mess, I felt a tug of a whisper “Be Still”. Oh sure, be still when I have all this STUFF I have to handle and now I’m stuck trying to fix everything on my own because I sure didn’t feel God was going to fix anything at this point. “Be Still”. But I don’t WANT to be still…I want action and resolution and I want it NOW. I’m tired and pushed against the wall and need answers NOW.
Be Still
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Well, I know that so this must just be my imagination or something—I know He is God. I already know He has plans and loves me and never leaves me. But maybe in this instance He’s just blowing me off since my situations haven’t changed. Be Still
So I paused…maybe, just maybe I should try it. Be still and quiet down (stop screaming & ranting to Him). I tried it…it didn’t work for the first 10 tries but eventually I pulled myself into a quiet state. I sat alone & tried to silence my thoughts for a moment. This is hard for me-maybe for you too.
After months and years of battling the same issues, I had to stop and get quiet finally. No, the situation hasn’t disappeared. But how I handle it has changed. I would love for it to go away and God to rescue me from it all—but that isn’t His plan. But I trust Him and He didn’t leave me but He is changing me. Slowly. It’s painful sometimes and I get frustrated with the results—but I love that He is working things out in me. Me—someone that He feels is worth the time and effort to slowly mold into someone better. Thank you Father for holding me through these tough situations and letting me scream. I know You still love me and won’t let me go.